I was in a training these past two days. It was called communicating with emotional intelligence. I was a big fan and admirer of training/trainers and the entire concept of training and development during college. And then once I got to work, I lost all the respect I had for it. I got this feeling that all the training and stuff was too superficial, it was like showing PPT's and taking sessions on topics that one had to actually work on for years - these sessions were not going to help immediately. Well yes, they could be an eye opener, that I'll agree.
But the session today had one single take away for me. It was like the of quoted eureka moment of sorts for me. I though to myself - "this could actually work. Of late I had been seeing that I was becoming more irritable and grumpy around family - I was beginning to be an impatient person and would respond with anger and frustration at the mention of anything unpleasant to me. And I realized that it was causing serious dents in my relationships. Thanks to my family members - they didn't be as impatient - else they would have moved on. This on thing was a solution to my detrimental behaviour. This particular trait of emotional intelligence I would like to call - "The art of neutral listening"
This is a very simple act. There is nothing to it, all it means is the act of listening to somebody without interrupting, judging, giving advice, admonishing, non encouraging, - listening to someone with no emotions of any sort. That's it. It's as simple as that. The only thing you do in this type of listening is to acknowledge what the other person is saying by nodding and just repeating what they have said in different words.
What are the benefits of this?
But the session today had one single take away for me. It was like the of quoted eureka moment of sorts for me. I though to myself - "this could actually work. Of late I had been seeing that I was becoming more irritable and grumpy around family - I was beginning to be an impatient person and would respond with anger and frustration at the mention of anything unpleasant to me. And I realized that it was causing serious dents in my relationships. Thanks to my family members - they didn't be as impatient - else they would have moved on. This on thing was a solution to my detrimental behaviour. This particular trait of emotional intelligence I would like to call - "The art of neutral listening"
This is a very simple act. There is nothing to it, all it means is the act of listening to somebody without interrupting, judging, giving advice, admonishing, non encouraging, - listening to someone with no emotions of any sort. That's it. It's as simple as that. The only thing you do in this type of listening is to acknowledge what the other person is saying by nodding and just repeating what they have said in different words.
What are the benefits of this?
- You actually listen/see the actual underlying reason for the persons issues with you
- When you don't judge, criticize or encourage they tend to open up and say things they actually want to convey
- When you acknowledge what they say by repeating what they say, it automatically starts them thinking from your perspective of things as well.
- By letting them voice their thoughts out, you are actually giving them a chance to revisit their thoughts - and more often than not, it will set them thinking about the other aspects of the issue at hand!
- More than all of this - the person communication with you will bond with you at an emotional level
Now imagine that you have practiced this a few times repeatedly with someone who has had a bad experience with you earlier - you would have created a platform for a strong and mutually beneficial relationship that will have a lot of advantages for both parties involved. And not to mention the trust and goodwill you would have gained from this person.
I am going to be trying this out over the next few days and will get back with an update on this post on results.
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