The culture conundrum

         

Picture source - http://www.humblelibertarian.com/2012/02/cultural-differences.html

           In Tamil Nadu it is alright to marry your niece. In China snakes are a sought after, sumptuous, meal table offering. In the United States it is alright to kiss in public, in India as many of us are already aware, its alright to piss in public. The Eskimos greet each other by rubbing noses - the reason behind this, I presume, must be because the only exposed part of ones body in the extreme cold would be the face and so the nose found the honorable task of saying hello. In Some Christian families in Kerala it is alright for the family including the old "Ammachi" to share a drink together. In a village in Dindigul (Tamil Nadu) all the houses share a set of common toilets built away from where the residences are; an age old belief that the place where one eats cannot also contain the place where one defecates being the reason.

          In many Kerala and all Tamil Brahmin families the husband is referred to as "cheta" and "na" respectively which are also the words in the respective languages to respectfully address the elder brother. In Indian languages the word "you" has two variants, one for elders and people "worthy" of respect and the usual one for the less worthy of respect ones; for eg: in Tamil "neenga" and "nee". In the West its just "you" whether its your grandmother of 85 or the Prime Minister or a toddler. All over India Brahmins do not eat meat or fish. In West Bengal ostensibly Brahmins eat fish and is referred to as "water flower".

           In Hindu families alchohol consumption is frowned upon. The festival of Holi on the other hand stands out for the tradition of having "Bhang", an extract of the Cannabis plant; Marijuana is the western name of this extract in another form. In Tamil Brahmin families once the girl is married off, the grooms family has choice of renaming the bride.

          I just wanted to present a few cases of culturally induced practices from different parts of the world. To those members of the society, who do not belong to the culture I have described, some of these practices may seem weird, funny or downright repugnant, but hey who are you or I to judge? That's just the way it is. To every man his ways.

         I was reading the book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell and he talks about a concept called "Cultural legacy". The gist of it being, the culture we grow up in shapes our life in more ways that we ever imagined. Our decisions, even in the most precarious of moments, are influenced by this. He states the case of a Korean airline that had a higher history of crashes than any airline in the world, so much so that the Korean President switched services to another competing airliner. The simple reason for the crashes was the domicile nature of the Korean first officers who found it hard to voice their concerns about some impending cause such as weather to their captains because of which the crashes happened. He then goes on to quote about a part of the United states where the incidents of cardiac incidents was abnormally low as compared to the national average and the reason the researchers ascribe to,based on years of study, will astonish you. I'll leave that open, you really should read the book to know it.

          He talks about a certain part of the USA where the occurrence of family feuds that culminated in multiple killings was rampant. He links it to the cultural influence of "the value of holding up the honour of the family". I couldn't help but think about the Southern parts of Tamil Nadu that are known for this kind of a culture. It also made me wonder about the honour killing judgments that our Khap panchayats dole out by the multitudes every year in our country.

          In Scandinavian countries it is common to see the Prime Minister going about his duties in the same fashion as a normal citizen, no cavalcades for travel to work, no special entries to avail common facilities and they even cycle to work. Can you think of any politician in India on those terms? Such austerity is seen in our politicians during their cycle rallies during campaigning, but as a way of life? The case is the same in many countries around the world. This is not an individual trait though; if any individual from that generation had been in the politicians chair they would have displayed the same sense of pomp and brazenness. It is a culturally ingrained habit for us Indians to show off our wealth, power and status. It will take us time to change all that; the change is already visible though - today's youth are shunning the engineering and medicines degrees to look for career options that gives them joy. Our parents generation who fought hard to be an engineer or doctor to show the world they had arrived, does not ring a bell with today's kids.

          Lets move on to events closer home. My wife's grand mother was talking about one of her grand children who, due to her husbands order for refrain, didn't visit her. She complained to me and I hinted that it could be because her husband didn't amicably allow her to visit, to which she retorted saying "She must take things in her hand, its her life". I was surprised, because in most Indian families the males dominate the decision making and women are generally very docile and silent. The Tamil Brahmin family stands outs in this. In my observation many a TamBrahm family is matriarchal; not all, but quite a few. Even in those that are not of the  former kind, the women of the family generally have a say and are opinionated. If this had happened in the community that I was born into, the women generally would end this by saying that if the man of the family thought it fit to restrain the woman, so be it, that's the end to it.

         As I read this book and related it with my life I understand that a lot of my behavior is not culturally bound, I was in boarding since the age of five. I noted that compared to a lot of people, I am a little more tolerant of a lot of cross cultural behaviors. I do not find it repugnant that people eat snakes, neither am I averse to eating with the left hand. I don't find it weird that the Brahmin folds up his sacred thread around his ear when he is entering the bathroom, as much as I don't find it weird that the Malayalee Christian family drinks together or the Tamil guy marrying his niece (Is it healthy? That's another topic to discuss another time).

          I think we need to teach kids to tolerate, rather, appreciate other cultures. And for this we need to expose them to the wonderful world out there. In a country as diverse as India, there will be no dearth for this. We are a melting pot of cultures differing in caste, creed, religion, languages, all spawning grounds for cultural differences.

           This will ensure harmony and of course importantly, less pompous politicians.

       




       

           

Identity crisis

          Men are social animals. We need to belong to a group. It was probably a trait developed during evolution - that trip from monkey to man - where our brain sizes increased exponentially and it was seen that being in a group ensure more safety, more food, more sexual partners, more of the all good stuff basically. And that'e probably where the entire concept of "having an identity" came up. For example lets say a few thousand years ago, in a far away cave somewhere a gang of cave men were huddling around a fire. There comes a new entity at the cave entrance, he was wearing no clothes unlike the already present cave men who were wearing deer skin tunics. He was not allowed inside. There folks we have the first reported case of an identity crisis. Where do I belong?

          Lets come back to today. Every one of us goes through this in our lives. Some of us are aware that its called an identity crisis, some just know it as its symptom - loneliness, being left out, not fitting in etc. All this generally happens in the growing up phases. You know, like how they depict in the movies, there are the cool gangs, the giggly girl gangs, the nerds, the cheer leaders, the bad boy gangs, and so on. This phase is generally where one does not choose a group because of strong feelings or opinions, its just in order to have a group to belong to, to fall back on, to spend time with and to not feel vulnerable. This is also where some events can shape ones perceptions and mindsets for their identities later on in life. Lets not also forget the impact of families on these kids in shaping up their identity, especially in countries like India where one does not just live for oneself, but for society as a whole.

          Lets now cut the scene to adulthood. Ask a man how he likes to describe himself and he will say his name, his work, the place he hails from and most probably something about him that shows his prowess over something that people around him are not as good at.

         His name denotes his religion - one of the biggest identities in a persons life. It is hammered into the heads of kids day in and day out, through rituals, through media, through families and what not. His work denotes his position as a value creator in this world, also implies that he is skilled at providing for himself and for his family. His place denotes his belonging to a tribe, he belongs to a geographic location that serves as an identity that is recognizable, its important to be part of a locale that is known. His special skills, this is what differentiates him from all the others on the face of the Earth.

         The sad part of having an identity crisis is that one tends to start looking for a crutch which will help fill the void created. It is not necessary that this crutch always be of a good nature. Some find this crutch in the form of their profession (best salesman, famous actor), some in their relationships (as a good father, husband etc) which are generally alright.

          Some find this solace in the form of fanaticism. Some find meaning in belonging to a faction of men who kill and loot and plunder. The man in search of identity truly finds it here, at the cost of what does not matter to him. This violent way of life, if it can make him feel as part of an important group, is worth it, is probably what drives him to this way of life.

         We are not that different from those tunic wearing cavemen are we?

         

         








       
          

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I'm seeing my old pair of sandals that are so comfortable but looks like shit. On the other hand is my new pair that looks mighty good but can never match up to the comfort of the old ones. Our relationships or pretty much everything in life is like this.

Its a choice between what we like and what we assume will be liked by people around us. I guess if we are able to break this myth of status in the eyes of people around us,we would lead a much peaceful life. We wouldn't have to slog all our lives to buy that big car when we damn well know the small one is more than enough to keep not only you, but even your in laws happy!

But then getting out of that fight isn't easy. Watching peers showing off their latest goodies makes you want to keep up. Makes you feel inferior. The shift in values from that of inherent qualities to external materials is pervasive in India, or at least in Bangalore and Chennai for sure,and its a sure shot way to ensure an economic crisis like the one in 2008 in the US.

So what can we do to overcome this. Start joining people who think on the same lines. Start teaching yourself this fact until it sinks in. Think what is really important-the smile on your sisters face when you buy her the doll she wanted or the snicker from your "materialistic friends/colleagues" saying "ya its nice, but the latest model is out, you should have got that one" on showing them your latest 10K shoes!!!

And therefore today's thought is that I shall reconsider buying that Rs 3000 jeans or that Rs 4000 shoes. Do I really that badly need recognition? If yes then I should be improving myself as a person and not just polishing my exteriors through materials!!!