Norwegian wood - Haruki Murakami

As I write this article I am listening to the song Norwegian wood by the Beatles. This is the best thing about reading. You learn so much, You are exposed to things you never knew existed. You are introduced to people, places and events that were or are important but were lost in time or failed to reach your senses. You are transported into the world of the writer and along with him/her you experience all that moved them, feel the things that impacted them and make your world a little more richer and make your mind wider and smarter than before. A reader with a curiosity is all it takes to have a smart thinking man. I was reading the book Norwegian wood by Haruki Murakami and as I finished the book I decided to listen to the song that was the obvious inspiration for the novel; the song is absolutely beautiful.

This book is a digression from the usual fare created by Mr Murakami. It is not realist fantasy. This book stands out among his list of creations for having no elements of fantasy or magic. It is a down to earth love story, but it could never be categorized as ordinary! As always it does feature a cat though, maybe cats were a good luck charm to Mr Murakami, maybe he thought it brought luck to mention cats in his books. I have read three of his books and all of them have scenes involving cats, the importance of the cats themselves in the scene, varies but they do feature nevertheless.

The best thing I love about the book are the honesty of the characters. They aren't super sensitive lovers, they aren't goody good boys and girls, not one character is a stereotype. Each one has their quirks and the author sees no need to deprive them of these. His mind churned out characters who were interesting and he has shown them just they way they were - no editing to suit the way the world sees people. He has not straight jacketed them to fit into the stereotype of their ages, nationality, profession or any other classification. It is even averred by the protagonist Watanabe at many places - "I am an ordinary guy".

As with all of Mr Murakami's books the theme of loneliness jumps out at you in every page. I can't help but believe that the author must have had been a lonely man in his life, for I cannot believe that a man can describe so much loneliness without actually having experienced it. The description of life of a university student in a hostel made me go back to my hostel days. Reading about this I had a realization that a boy's hostel was the same no matter which part of the world it was in, be it in a college hostel in Coimbatore in India or a privately run hostel in an advanced city like Tokyo.

Mr Murakami's characters all have a sense of justice of their own. They do not conform, they do not behave in ways society defines as appropriate, be it in the way one character talks to his girlfriend at a fancy dinner party he throws or the protagonists physical intimacies with women other than the one he loves. Something seemed extremely relevant to me in the book for the times today, what with groups advocating women's equality and  brands adopting it as a selling point. A woman character is depicted as being as raunchy as a man. And yet she is also shown as being extremely sensitive in a scene where the protagonist fails to notice her new hairdo. I loved the fact that Mr Murakami didn't think twice about showing the fact that women have as varied thoughts about physical intimacy as men, they have fantasies as well, they are "dirty" as well. And that's what equality is about, accepting the fact that whether one has a penis or one has a vagina, their minds are capable of the same thoughts!

The book is filled with references to books and music. Music, I really had no idea about any of them mentioned excpet The Beatles and in one instance Simon and Garfunkel. The author refers to "The Great Gatsby" as the greatest book written through one of the characters. The character in reference also makes a statement saying he does not read any book by an author who has not been dead for a minimum of 30 years, such is the distaste for contemporary literature.

And finally about love, after all it is a book about love. Love is not something that is bound by rules. It is not a duty, neither is it a burden. Love in the book is a feeling which is liberating. It is something which is not hard coded. As one of the protagonists friends says when he is torn between a love that is blossoming and one that is not - "These things happen, you have got to take your chance at being happy." This book portrays love as complicated, not definite and not always successful. Love can be beautiful as it can be hurtful. It can be happy as it can be extremely sorrowful. Love is the centerpiece of this book and everything surrounds it beautifully.

This book is a beautiful read - flowing like an unperturbed stream gurgling away happily with scenes of Japan flowing by. If anything can be a problem, it is the peppering of lengthy philosophical rhetoric at a few places. I lost my patience with these, but that does not mean everyone will. A wonderful read all in all.

Seduction of the soul

         That sharp nose of yours, studded by a glittering star of a nose stud, resting on that place of the nose that curves inwards. The femininity it brings out in you makes me go weak in the knees. Your eyes, deep dark black in a sea of white, surrounded by night like kohl and dancing a fine dance, emanating expressions that makes my soul stir, it creates a feeling that starts from my heart and ripples all over, is this moksha?

        Those sweet soft ear lobes partly covered by your hair, I wonder how it would feel to just feel them, maybe a small nibble and I would see heaven. The hair let loose on your shoulders, like a the pitch dark night cascade flowing down. The strand that plays around on your brow, sensually teasing and swaying with the wind, like as if everything else about you was not captivating enough. The exposed neck of yours, as it moves with your voice, distracts me, and makes me go dry in my throat. The creamy wheat skin of yours as it begins to swell, sends shivers down my spine.

         Those slender long arms, and those playful slender fingers. Those nails, even they exude your consummate femininity. As they go about their tasks, my eyes journey with them, yearning for more, to soak in those swaying movements of your hands, you are doing mudras without even doing the dance of the Gods. If only I could hold those hands for a while, I would keep that memory for eternity, locked away in a far recess of my memory as the day I held a fairies hand in mine.

         Your hip, playing hide and seek behind the beautiful saree you have donned for this day; this lucky day of mine to see the Goddess herself descend to Earth for my eyes to behold. The creamy hips that curves inwards and then swells outwards - you are the definition of women. My mind is tormented by the naughty winds alternate waning and blowing as it reveals and then hides.My heart is on that pallu of your saree my Goddess.

         Your feet, accentuated by the dark henna designs and the sparkling anklets. Jingling as you walk, I would not let it touch the hard floor if were the owner of this wonderful creation. Brahma must have been at his artistic best when he started creating you my Goddess, for you are the perfect creation any man would yearn for.

          As you leave the temple pond back into your palanquin to leave for your palace, I strain to get one last look at those eyes, the queen of my heart, to fall into those pools of mystery one last time and drown in it for eternity. And then as if the dream is shattered I return to my shanty to tend to the remaining shoes that needs mending. The work would without a doubt seem a trifle with your visual splendour so freshly seared into my mind....

Fall in love like a fool

Fall in love like a fool.
Feel it in your body, feel it in your soul.
Lose yourself in its sweetness,
Ask not of it questions,
Let yourself go, immerse in its eternal joy,
Let it move mountains,
Let it take you into the skies,

Fall in love like a fool,
Believe in its miracle, for it is paradise on Earth,
Let her into your heart, let her be a part of your entire being,
Let her soul intertwine with yours,
Feel the oneness, that oneness no other thing can give you,
Let the pureness wash you of all your sins,

Fall in love like a fool,
Let yourself know for a change,
The happiness of giving rather than that of taking,
Feel the sweet pain of missing someone,
Let the love change you for the better,


Fall in love like a fool,
You will see shooting stars,
You will see angels,
You will see all that you wish to see,
Days will get brighter,
Nights will get warmer,
You will have found a purpose,
You will have found your destination,

Neeli's love

         She sat on the steps of the pond with the blue water. Monsoon had just ended and the pond waters magically turned blue after the monsoons. There were no lilies and there was not a movement in the waters. The moon shone bright and sat staring at her form the bluish hues of the placid waters. The shrill crickets sang to their hearts content without worries about some predator being drawn to their shrieking. The male frogs were croaking their hearts out to attract their mates.

         Neeli sat with her hands under her chin staring at the big ball of white in the pond. It was a calm and serene scene that soothed her and gave some reprieve from the turmoil within. Her thick kohl lined eyes shown bright competing with the moon. Her hair braided and half wet after her bath in the pond. She had worn her best mundu and blouse. Her fair skin glowing in the moonlight and the melancholy look on her face would have had its impact on any man that walked that path.

         Their eyes met. He couldnt take his eyes away. She was shy and looked away and he was further drawn by it. He stood on the side allocated for men while she stood on the women's side. The "pooram" function was an affair celebrated with pomp and affair in this part of the state. Men and women from all adjacent villages were there. It was an event that brought about a lot of events that otherwise was completely absent in the lives of these people. There was drinking, there was women to be had, there were things to be bought and shows and events to be seen  Madhavan was there primarily for the drinking and to see all the beautiful women gathered there. But he had forgotten drink and women as he looked at the wonder that stood before his eyes.

          The dark kohl lined large eyes that said a hundred different things as it looked at him at intervals, the innocence of those eyes stood in his memory forever. The dark cascade of hair that tumbled all the way down to her navel. The fair skin on her arms and neck disturbed by only the small dark mole on her neck. Her nose stud shined with the reflection of the procession lights as if calling out to him for attention. He was lost in the moment, he had to have this woman in his life, he decided this was the woman of his life.

         He followed her to her village, stayed day and night and used every opportunity to see her, sometimes on the sly and sometimes a little boldly out in the open. After 6 months of dreaming of communicating with her manage to speak with her. He held out the biggest brightest water Lily she had ever seen and mumbled about how much he liked her. She took the flower, giggled showing him a smile that took his breath away. "You took six months to speak with me, how will you manage to live with me all you life?" she asked naughtily and ran away.

        And so they were together, for better or for worse, they were together. As days and months went by in the bliss of each others company fate decided to intervene. Neeli's parents decided to bundle her off to someones home as a bride. She cried, he cursed. They decided that  no one or nothing was more important to them as each other and decided to elope.He asked her to come to the pond. The pond where they often stole to when he said he was going to go fishing and she went to when she said she was going to collect herbs. The same pond where they swam and discovered the intimacies of their bodies, the pond which was their own place.

         As they fled the town, the towns folk chased them with torches, logs and make shift weapons in hand. Their cries curdled the blood in Neeli as she ran hand in hand with her beloved. She looked and wondered how would she survive if something happened to him. She saw his eyes, which always showed a nature of generousness and piousness in them, it was now intent on some thought - maybe he was thinking why je got into this trouble, or maybe he was thinking about the best possible escape. A rock hit him square at the back of his head and as he slowly dropped to the ground, Neeli's stomach tied up in a knot of fear. Fear of his death, fear of the separation. She cried.

         She was shaken violently, and she for moment was lost. Madhavan sat beside her and as he planted a kiss on her forehead, teased her "So this is how a wife awaits her husband on a romantic getaway night? By being asleep?"

          She smiled and the innocence of her eyes made him fall in love with her all over again.

         

Ammini Amma

          The pallu of her saree grazing his face reminded me of the days of childhood hidden in the comforts of Amma's warm caresses and cuddles. The way Amma's saree provided me with a safe hiding spot. The semi transparent pallu being used as a partition between the world and myself. Along with all these memories came the warm feelings of security,fun and above all that, tender, comforting love. The warm kitchen smells that the saree always carried with it. Her soft hands pinching my cheeks, ruffling my hair and giving me those small pats of caring "punishment"

          Amma's soothing words drowning out all the noises of the world and drifting me off to a deep and peaceful slumber. Her soft lullabies and her bright smile. Her long hair that she always put away in a bun while she was busy making our home a more comfortable one. In hind sight even that small act of hers was a sacrifice for us. She chose to bind her beautiful tresses and do the house work so that we may grow up with the best of memories and she didn't fail on that count.

          The number of times she has stood up to Appa for me. The naughty acknowledging smile she gave me when she knew I was buttering her to get something done from her. The innumerable times she broke her safety fund from the rice "jaadi" when I asked her for money. The extra dosa that she made and said "I have made on more already, have this one more please, it'll be wasted" knowing fully well it wont be wasted. Or the way she always poured extra curry and then said "One more dosa mone, finish off that sambar kutta".

          The way she cried with pride when my college professor came up and said "Krishnan is the best student I have had. He is going to do great in life." The way she hugged me whenever I left for hostel. The boxes of murukkus and achappams she packed after toiling at the stove the whole night and then chiding me for not taking enough. The obvious lie she constantly repeated about how thin I had become, even if I had gained weight.

          The way she used the end of her saree to dry my head after a bath, right until I started going to college. The pride in her voice as she spoke of me to relatives and neighbours. Amma's quick response of "poda, I am well. You go get ready and come for dinner" when I asked her to rest on coming home late and telling her I would manage dinner myself. Amma's eyes that communicated only genuine concern about whether I had had dinner after I came home after a drinking bout. Never was there anger or remorse, just concern. Amma's teasing remarks about the kind of lazy husband I would make.

          Ashwini's saree grazing against my face while we stood on the terrace of our home reminded me of Amma. The way Amma pured her love for me. I turned out good. I would have made her proud. As all these nostalgic thoughts filled my head, Ammini came out tot he terrace. She smiled that naughty smile, the smile that had been a part of my life for so many wonderful years and had ceased to exist.

         Ammini - My Amma and my daughter, the women with the naughty smiles. I smiled to myself. Amma was here to stay, My Ammini amma was here to stay.

       

          

I was in love

          With her life was joyful. The most mundane things were suddenly exciting. There was a purpose and a reason for my every action. Waking up to her warm body and even warmer smile was all I needed;nothing else mattered. The gifts we gave, the feelings it bought. The surprises we showered each other with, the kisses and hugs. This was how life was supposed to be. The rainy days were the best. We spent the days in bed cuddling and doing sweet nothing. Her constant need to be coddled and cosseted, her eyes pleading for it and her sweet mumbling for me to take her in my arms. The sweet love we made and sweet nothings we spoke about. An entire lifetime would be planned in the span of the day. All our dreams were shared then and there and we knew it really didn't matter if those dreams came true or not, we had each other.

         She had begun to learn to cook for me. She wasn't great at it, but I didn't care neither did she. We were not bound by society or by family. She loved me and I her. We didn't look for acceptance by anybody. In fact nobody except the security guard of my apartment complex knew about her. She would come to my place in the morning on her way to work. We would spend the morning together after which she would head for work and I sat down to write something that I could sell. On week ends she would cook up some reason or the other and be there first thing in the morning. I never felt what I felt for her with anybody else. Her absence drove me mad. I had to have to see her every day. I had to feel her body against mine. I had to feel those moist lips on mine. I was in love, madly in it.

          We had met online. I had initiated a conversation with purely carnal intentions. And that is how I thought it would be. I did manage to get her out on a few dates and one day we were in my apartment. She was ready as I was for her. As we made love in the moonlight' I saw her eyes, those beautiful eyes, soulful eyes and I think I had some inkling of a thought that said, this was to stay. This was the woman. I called her the next day and the day after and every day after that. I itched for her every attention, constantly looking at my mobile phone for a ring or a beep that would be her thoughts about me. I longed for her caress, for her sweet smelling presence around me. Her tantalizing breath inflaming my soul and stirring in me feelings I had just discovered. I craved her touch. I was addicted to this woman. I was in love.

          We decided to marry. Not for society, not for family. We decided to have a ceremony to celebrate our love. We decided that our wedding was a ceremony that would symbolize our eternal love for each other. And so we did it with friends and family as per her traditions. She was the papa's girl and she wanted her papa to do the honours of placing her hands in mine. We were now Mr and Mrs. She was now mine. I was in love.

         4 years had passed. The love was as strong as ever. I still longed for her tight hugs at the end of a tiring day. The intensity and passion mellowed down and from it emerged a much more stable and strong caring sort of love. The kind of love where you give up the best seat for your partner, you cover her during the chilly night or make sure she has taken her medicines. The gestures changed, the life style changed, the priorities changed, the love never did. I secretly often thought at how lonely and miserable I would be if something happened to her. The mind is a twisted thing. It thinks the exact thought you never want to think about. Maybe it wants you to be prepared for the worst. And then it happened. A rainy day that we should have just spent like we did the old days, cuddled inside the comfort of our home. She had gone out to buy the household necessities in her new scooter. It was a scooter that she loved so much and both of us had saved up quite difficultly for. She lost balance when the scooter went into a pothole and slammed her head on the pavement.

          The phone call from the hospital actually gave me relief rather than despair. I was worried about her not having reached home and her not picking my calls. I even went looking for her with no result. The hospital room in its white hues. The green bed spread and a mask over her face. I forced my mind to believe everything will be alright, for fear of a bad though influencing the outcome. I held her hand and waited for her to wake up and say she is feeling ok. I was in love.

          It had been 7 years. She had gone on. Where to I don't know. I ride that scooter now. I still stay at the same house. I still sleep in the same bed. But the scent is not there anymore. The warmth is long gone. I cook for myself. I live in the memories of the best years of my life. I was still in love, hurtfully in it.



       


       

10 Sure shot signs that its over

       

Image source - http://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/2014/04/15/divorce-surge-in-may-2014/

        Food items on your head, a swollen eye, torn up clothes. I believe these, go without saying, are a 100% signs. Let's go to the points that are a little subtler and which most of us employ to cut off people form our lives.

1. I was so busy I didn't find time to message or call even once today - Even Barack Obama, Kamal Hassan, why even your "busy" boss will have, or rather, make the time to communicate with their loved ones. If you are in love and your partner says this often, lets say about 7 days in a row - be sure, there is something or someone wrong in your life.

2. When you don't get some. - Its an open statement. "Some" could be replaced with sex, heavy petting, kiss on the cheek, holding hands etc. Basically something that you had been given earlier and now its in hard supply. Why? Simple. For a person not in love, a caring touch that reiterates the liking is a wrong signal to send out when the intention is to end the relationship.

3. You find it hard to keep the your partner happy - When you start finding in increasingly difficult to make your partner smile. Things that gave them joy earlier are painful now. When you are confused and doing over time just to figure out what will bring those smiles back - there is an issue.

4. When spending time together isn't exciting anymore - When you are all excited about visiting her/him after some time apart or you are jumping in joy about the trip you're going to take together and he/she dunks your sweet anticipation in a bucket of freezing water. Well, its time to move on buddy.

5. When saying I love you is a one way statement - When your partner suddenly finds it hard to say those three words, when those words gets stuck at the back of their throat for fear of prolonging something that they want to get done with. Set sail my friend, catch the next boat out.

6. When the fights start being really destructive - Couples fight all the time. But when these fights become poisonous to the level of demeaning the partner or causing hurt which goes without apologies there is something wrong. And when these fights are the only form of communication happening, then it definitely is over.

7. When it feels strange to meet - After some time of being away like in a long distance relationship, when you meet again and it feels like you don't know this person anymore. If it feels like meeting for the first time all over again, I think its a sign.

8. When mutually enjoyed activities are no fun anymore - Lets say you guys loved going to the beach. And then all of a sudden for your partner, going to the beach was too much of a task, it was too far away, it was too windy and all those stupid lame reasons pop up, steel up your heart my friend.

9. When they don't care anymore - Lets say your partner hated your smoking habit. One day they suddenly stop caring about it. They don't ask you about it anymore and you are confused to hell about this attitude. The truth of the matter is this. Only a person who cares about you will ever ask you to let go of some unhealthy issue of yours. In fact I always say this, its not hatred that confirms its over, it's indifference that is the true indicator.

10. When you seem to be doing everything - When you start noticing that you are the one calling, you are the one patching up,you are the one that always gives up, you are the one even trying to keep the relationship alive. Trust me, if its a relationship that both partners value, without a doubt both would make it work, not one of them alone. And so that's a sign as well.

While all these are signs, its is obviously not strict rules nor are they certified by anyone. They are not exhaustive either, just a few pearls of wisdom collected from personal experiences of a lot of people around me and of course my own as well.

Love marriage or arranged marriage? No marriage perhaps?

       

                       Image sources - http://www.monkeygag.com/life-of-a-married-man/

       
        Ok ok, I know some of you more cheeky ones will say - no marriage! :p But that discussion is for another time.

          A dear friend of mine was going through a patch in her life, that patch of an Indian woman's life when everybody except her, thinks she should have been married ages ago. With that societal pressure fulled by relatives asking the poor girls parents at every event, function and non event as to why she is still single, the parents jump into groom hunting. Catch the marriage broker, inform the relatives, post profile online, pass on the message to that well connected aunt who walks around with boys profiles in her hand bag all the time. This war! Are we ready! - That's the kind of preparation that goes on. 

          This friends father had selected a few potential candidates that he saw fit for his daughter, but the daughter, my friend, didn't like any of them. On a little interrogation I found out why; it was plain and simple - the father wanted a down to earth, functional, "good boy", traditional Tamil guy while the daughter wanted a smart looking, well dressed, city bred, humorous, much more than functional guy. Their expectations were poles apart. And so ensued disappointment in my friend.I suggested that she find a guy that she likes and take things forward from there. And with that the discussion in my mind started - love marriage or arranged marriage?

          First lets clear the air of some misconceptions and stereotypes. Not all love marriages are happy, neither are all arranged marriages morose. In fact I believe that today's arranged marriages are similar to love marriages. Once the couple in engaged they are given ample time to find reasons to spurn each other - unlike the older days when you met, you saw and then you had kids. The question one needs to ask today is not whether it should be a love marriage or an arranged one. The question should be - what kind of a human being would I want to spend the rest of my life with?

          Ask today's youth what qualities they look for in a potential partner and I can safely say 99% of them would say the same thing - Looks, education, money, "decent" family (are there indecent families?), and some people, the more planned ones, would look for a house without a mother in law, or a partner without siblings etc for their comfort - I am not kidding, there are people who look for partners with those backgrounds. 

         Now my question is, does any of the above contribute to a happy marriage ? If you said yes, you my friend, are under an illusion. In my opinion, none of these will keep a marriage happy. Not the money, not the looks, not the "decent family" tag and not the education either. What will keep a marriage happy though are a little deeper aspects that most people happily ignore and regret later. 

          The first thing one needs to look for in a partner is the values he/she lives by. If the partners have values that tend to negate each other, there are bound to be a lot of issues.  For eg: One of my major values in life in fairness to everyone. I hate unfairness in anything, irrespective of if that unfairness is to me or anybody else. Imagine I was married to someone whose value was success at all costs - we would end up fighting every day because our values are constantly being trudged upon every day. So when you meet a potential candidate for the position of life partner you should talk, ask questions, observe. Obviously not every value will match, but there will be some values which you are not willing to compromise on and thats what you need to look for. What are those values? Don't worry, you'll know it when you spend enough time with your partner and he/she does that one thing that drives you crazy!

           Next in the list to look for are those traits that you would want your man/woman to have, as in behavioral/emotional traits, not financial etc. You may have your thoughts about the partner who would be super energetic and always raring to go for any kind of fun activity. Some people may want that partner who is humorous ( Take this form me, majority of women like humour in a guy. I have asked a lot of women what they like in their spouses and humour always comes in the top 5). Some people want a partner who is extra responsible because they are not and some want partners who agree to everything they say (that works in the dating phase, post marriage - it wont!). 

          And finally the trump card. The only two things that make a marriage happy. Love and compromise. Ok if "compromise" seems like a compromise you can use the word"understanding" or "adjusting" etc, but basically its compromise. When you marry you need to be ready to go half way to make things better. You cannot stand at your end of the room and ask your partner to do all the adjusting. That's sure shot recipe for disaster. At the same time you need to make sure your partner is willing to come half the way for you. 

         So lets say that you enjoy drinking with your buddies and used to do it every other day before marriage. Post the wedding, your wife does not like you drinking every other day with buddies. You would have to cut down the number of times and she would have to agree to it happening once in a while. That's the only possible solution that will keep both you guys happy. If you said you would do it every day or if she said you had to stop it completely, you wouldn't be here reading this blog, you'd be busy flinging things at each other.   

          So if you're looking for that right match - remember, there is no right match. And you have to be willing to be a right match to find your right match.